Viva L'Italia ! (Post by Shirley)

Dolce & Gabbana, Gucci, Bottega Veneta, La Perla … I’m walking down a small side-street near the Ponte Vecchio and it feels like I’ve stumbled into a real-life edition of Vogue. Shop windows are tastefully arranged with clothes, shoes, jewellery, handbags; the number of articles in each display in indirect proportion to the cost. Beautifully-dressed Italians and wealthy tourists wander in, the rest of us walk past slowly not able to spend that much on a piece of clothing but wishing we could.

It seems that there’s a code for dressing in Italy, everyone makes an effort. Even the policewoman have perfect make-up and party hair for their day on the beat! And so, for any of you wanting to be more Italian here are what I assume are the unpublished but always adhered-to rules:

• Fashion for under 40’s
  Always look good. This is mandatory. Wear expensive leather boots or designer sneakers and include at least one of the following items in your outfit - a designer jacket, designer sunglasses or a designer t-shirt. Men can wear pink jerseys / shirts / shoes / scarves without embarrassment (but only 1 pink item at a time, please). Women should always wear tight jeans, this is non-negotiable.
• Fashion for over 50’s
  Always look good. This is mandatory. Wear a fur coat or quilted jacket when out walking in the chilly morning air. The wearing of mini skirts and stockings is not limited to warm summer days. Wear a lot of expensive gold jewellery. Make-up is compulsory.
• Additional rules.
  - You should have strong coffee and baked treats (chocolate croissants, custard doughnuts etc) for breakfast, pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner, and gelato at least once a day and not get fat. If you get fat, move to another country or at least pretend you are from another country.
  - Shouting, laughing, swearing and wild gesticulations are encouraged for all conversations, including those about politics, the latest gossip, when being romantic or giving directions.
  - Smoke. Non-smokers are not cool.
  - The only public places where it is acceptable to have a snog are piazzas, all forms of public transport, roads and alleyways, and outdoor restaurants. Exceptions can be made.
  - Women over 50 should flirt with men under 30. Men over 50 should flirt with woman under 20. Flirting is acceptable at all times, including when catching the bus or buying a cappuccino or having your teeth examined.

I love Italy !